Ten minutes about Tarzan Boy by Baltimora, a 100% Do Not Bring a Ghost Home Policy and the Otis Spunkmeyer cookie hustle. Join us for a mashup of outtakes, hijinks, and other shenanigans.
Ten minutes about Tarzan Boy by Baltimora, a 100% Do Not Bring a Ghost Home Policy and the Otis Spunkmeyer cookie hustle. Join us for a mashup of outtakes, hijinks, and other shenanigans.
In this episode, we bring you behind the mic for a collection of audio clips that didn't make it into the first nine episodes. Ridiculous moments happen pretty frequently (spelled without a w) off-air, so we're using our tenth episode as an excuse to share them with you. Expect a bunch of voice-over readings for AI-generated Berries & Blades ads, confirmation that "Willie internet weak," Taylor rant about loud motorcycle speakers, and several intro/outro outtakes. In other words, listen to us be foolish for 58 minutes, lol. Enjoy!
Games briefly mentioned in this episode: Horizon Forbidden West, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, Halo, Mario Bros., Halo Infinite, and Ghost of Tsushima.
Here's the full transcript for this episode.
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The music you hear on the podcast is by ELFL, Lexica, and Christian Nanzell.
00:00:00
[Alienated by ELFL plays in background]
Willie: [Laughs] Right after. Well, I only heard the first line. It's sad cuz I wanted to know if there was more.
Joseph: Yeah
Taylor: Yeah, dude. That was, uh, the toothpaste song. Let me close up some stuff just in case.
Willie: What is the toothpaste song?
Joseph: Yeah
Taylor: That's that. [singing] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ba da da oh.
You know that song from the 80s-
Willie: Yeah, but that's not the toothpaste. Why is that the toothpaste song?
Taylor: I think that was on a toothpaste commercial at some point. Like a-
Joseph: Oh-
Taylor: Maybe not.
Willie: Really?
Taylor: It was from the nineties or something. Yeah, it was old. It was like a Crest thing. It could also be that my brain is real fucked up and malformed and stuff, and so-
Joseph: This is a Ma- Mandela effect-
Taylor: Yeah-
Joseph: -situation
Taylor: -maybe I'm making it.
Yeah, I'm making it exist. That's okay though.
Joseph: You and many others, others remember that song being in a toothpaste commercial. How does it go again?
Taylor: It's the o's. It's the [sings again]
I don't know any other part of the song though. But it does that twice and then that's the chorus. There might not be any other song to that.
That may just be the thing.
Willie: No, there is-
Taylor: Ok.
Willie: I think, is that song literally- that is the song. It's just called "Tarzan Boy".
Taylor: "Tarzan Boy"
Willie: I'm pretty sure-
Taylor: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds right.
Willie: -that's the name of that song.
Taylor: I never knew that, but, that I believe that 110%. Immediately upon Willie saying it.
Joseph: A song by Baltimore. Baltimora?
Taylor: That's who sings it, is Baltimore?
Joseph: Baltimora.
Willie: Baltimora
Taylor: Man.
Joseph: 1985.
Willie: I'm giving it a listen as well.
Taylor: Oh yeah.
Willie: Getting an ad first.
Taylor: Oh, yeah. Is it the ad that it was in on the toothpaste? [Laughs]
[Intro theme plays - Tiger Tracks by Lexica]
00:01:50
Joseph: What's up! Welcome to Berries and Blades. Thanks for joining us for a casual, unscripted conversation about video games. My name is Joseph and I'm here with my friends Willie and Taylor. [mimicking himself] "My friends." And we're just three regular guys, debating whether or not the White Men Can't Jump remake is worth watching, but I digress.
Taylor, what are you up to this week?
Taylor: Oh, living, waking, sleeping. I jumped back into Horizon, forbidden Western Dawn, and started playing that again and. Surprisingly picked right up to it. I forgot how beautiful that game was, and I, I listened to the episode that we discussed it not long ago and uh, it was definitely blowing my mind all over again.
I got to the point where you can make a final decision, you know, do you want to proceed with this part? If so, you can't go back and do anything else. And I didn't pull the trigger on that, which actually says a lot because a lot of times I'll wrap up a game, you know, if it gives me the opportunity, I'll wrap it up just to kind of move on to something else.
And. I just didn't wanna do it yet. There was, I, I felt like there's a lot in that game to see, so.
Joseph: Like, you don't want the game to end?
Taylor: Yeah. And for a game that, that's, it's that size and, uh, that kind of story. A lot of times I will kind of rush through it, but this one is really capturing me, so
Joseph: Yeah. Nice.
Willie: That's a good sign. How many hours have you put in, do you know?
Taylor: I think it popped up and it said I was 70 hours, but with me, it's impossible to say because so many times I will just leave the-
Willie: Yeah
Taylor: -the box running or whatever, forever. So I, I'd say I've probably put a good 30 or 40 hours in there.
Joseph: I think that's kind of skewing my Tears of the Kingdom numbers, but also Nintendo Switch doesn't do like an accurate job of reporting how long you've played a game.
It's like you've played over 90 hours, but that's it. Like that's as, [laughs] that's as specific as it gets.
Taylor: Huh.
Joseph: I was like, really? But what about when I exit to the home screen and the game is still open, the software's still running. Is it counting any of those hours? I don't think it could.
Willie: Probably isn't.
Taylor: Shouldn't, it seems like that'd be cheating.
[Laughter]
Joseph: Yeah. Skewing my numbers man.
Taylor: [Laughs] Yeah.
Joseph: Willie, I know you have something to say about that White Men Can't Jump remake cuz I could literally see you thinking it.
Willie: No, honestly. Well, so yeah, I guess I do have some shit to say about that, but also I. Just before we started recording, I was like, I need to look this thing up because I need to know this piece of information.
Joseph: Mm.
Willie: I don't even remember what that was though. I'm just trying to remember what I was gonna look up because it seemed relevant to the conversation that we were having. I don't know. So that's gone. Whatever that is. Something we said just before we recorded gave me a thought.
Joseph: Oh, okay.
Willie: That I was like, oh, I need to talk about this.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Willie: But I don't know what that was.
00:04:31
Willie: About the White Men Can't Jump remake. It's definitely worth watching, I think. It's getting a lot of hate online-
Joseph: [Laughing] I saw.
Willie: -but I think, I think it's fine. I think it's worth watching for sure. It's definitely a different story.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Willie: And they call it, um, they definitely call it a remix versus a remake or a
Joseph: Right, right.
Willie: -reboot of the whole thing. It's definitely just a different story. It's like two different people telling a different story and
Joseph: Yeah. Cuz they're not even the same characters, right? Like the characters in the-
Willie: No
Joseph: -in the story are not, Billy... like it's just different characters altogether, right?
Willie: No, and they, the thing is they visit some of the same locations and there's a couple scenes that are like reminiscent of shots from the original.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Willie: But the story itself is completely different.
Joseph: Okay. Gotcha. After you messaged me and was like, "yeah, it's getting a lot of hate online, but I thought it was okay." I saw the Rotten Tomato score. It's like in the twenties, man.
Willie: Yeah, it's bad.
Joseph: I was like, wow.
Willie: It's not great. I'm not gonna say it's a great film. Uh, but you know, I felt like. It should be sitting somewhere in the like 60, 70%-
Joseph: mm-hmm.
Willie: -Range or something. There's some shit that definitely doesn't make sense. So you just gotta like, remember you're watching a movie. That's not gonna make sense cuz you're talking about, I don't know, I don't wanna spoil anything for anybody who's gonna go watch it.
Joseph: I - I actually-
Willie: You should just go watch it.
Joseph: -Haven't watched it.
Willie: Just, just let yourself enjoy it. [chuckles]
Joseph: I have to check it out sometime.
Fun fact, Willie and I, we get together every New Year's Eve, like, uh, it varies sometimes in Austin, Fredericksburg, Arkansas, one time. Kansas City this year. But one of the things we've been doing as like a tradition is watching that film, I guess we didn't do it in Kansas City.
Willie: We didn't.
Joseph: -But there were a couple of New Year's Eves in a row that we were watching White Men Can't Jump, just cuz we both love that film.
00:06:11
Joseph: But anyway. Today is what I'm calling Different Different. It's our 10th episode and we wanted to celebrate it by bringing you behind the mic for some outtakes and ridiculousness that you didn't hear in the first nine episodes. Well mostly didn't hear. You can actually hear some of these clips at the very end of each episode, but like after the prerecorded outro, very end.
Anyway, we appreciate every minute you listen to us, stumble our way through this podcast and we really hope you enjoy these shenanigans.
Willie: I remembered what it was.
Joseph: [Laughs] What is it?
Willie: You, you said some stuff and it made me remember. This is our 10th episode. In the episode I was listening to recently cuz I was doing transcript stuff.
Joseph: Mm.
Willie: I heard us talking about milestones of like downloads cuz we had just hit a hundred downloads that day that we were recording. And I noticed that this week we had hit 250 downloads, which we had said like arbitrarily you were like, you know, our next milestone's probably like 250 and then 500 or something after that, but
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Willie: You know, we're just making this shit up. But we did cross 250 as of this past week, I guess a week ago now.
Joseph: Yeah. Which would've been with the release of the Controller Confessions episode, which is eight? With episode eight.
Taylor: Seems appropriate. It's awesome.
Joseph: Or Or was that nine?
Willie: It is nine.
Joseph: That was nine.
Willie: Yep.
Joseph: So last episode.
Willie: With episode nine, we hit 200 and- it was like 254 at the time I checked and it's 258 right now.
Joseph: Yeah. Nice.
Willie: That's what I was gonna look up though.
Joseph: Word.
Willie: Because that's worth sharing, cause we do appreciate people listening and uh, yeah, you should go check out all the stuff. We did this because, We don't know how many people listen past the credits at the end.
Joseph: Yeah, that-
[Laughter]
Willie: So there might be some stuff that you didn't hear before.
Joseph: Hopefully that's the case and it seems fresh and new, but. For some of the clips that are at the end of previous episodes, I did include a little bit more context. So they're like almost like an extended version of the clips that are at the end of the previous episode.
So if you heard them, you still might hear, hear something a little different in those clips. But there's also just a lot more content that's not even teased at the end of those episodes.
Willie: Cool. Yeah. We hope you enjoy.
Taylor: Easter eggs.
Joseph: Easter eggs.
Taylor: Get you some Easter eggs.
00:08:31
[music]
Joseph: More frequently. "Frequently."
Taylor: "Frequently." How'd you get a W in frequently? "Frequently."
"Frequently."
[beep]
Joseph: Okay. What's up, everybody? All right. Lemme do that again. Probably shouldn't say "okay" leading into it.
[Laughter]
Taylor: Okay, here we go.
[Laughter]
Joseph: I already know. I'm gonna have trouble editing that out right there.
[beep]
Taylor: [singing] ba ba ba babum
This is NPR where you get unbiased information. [Laughter]
[singing again] ba ba ba babum.
[beep]
Taylor: Uh, actually Willie, why don't you start, cuz I forgot that we're gonna, we're gonna do this, like, we're gonna go into it. So I feel like. Y'all are both really good at the whole, um, you know, the interviewing process. Um, you can tell that y'all have had some practice at it. And we'll start with Willie first.
Joseph: [laughing] This says, "Willie Internet is weak." [Taylor laughs] "Don't worry, they're still recording at high quality."
Willie: I don't think my Internet's weak.
Taylor: Nice.
Willie: This thing shit talking?
Joseph: I like that it didn't say Willie's- Yeah [laughter]
Willie Internet weak.
Taylor: Willie Internet weak!
Joseph: You can still see us and everything, Willie?
Willie: Uh, you're a little, um, blurry, but it's all right.
It does that all the time for me for some reason here and then, uh, comes back.
Joseph: Mm-hmm. Uh, okay. Same. Uh, Taylor, what were you saying? What were you saying about swapping? I didn't understand that.
Taylor: Um,
Joseph: About Willie going first?
Taylor: Oh, oh yeah. I was just saying, uh, maybe Willie should, uh, start off since I didn't realize we're going right into the episode.
Willie: Yeah.
Joseph: Mmhmm.
Willie: If I'm gonna ask the first questions you're saying don't be the last-
Taylor: Yeah
Willie: -person talking for the intro stuff, is that what you're saying?
Joey-
Taylor: yes.
Willie: -or you're gonna-
Taylor: Yea, well
Willie: -you're gonna talk again anyway right after you ask us how we're doing.
Joseph: Yeah. Yeah.
Willie: So it'll still be Joey-
Taylor: Oh
Willie: -talking over, so you can still go.
Taylor: Okay. Okay. All right then. That's fine. That's cool. Um, so what are, um, let's see, so when we go into it, ba ba da da da. And in this episode we'll be digging into my gaming history. So I'm gonna go ahead and hand it over to you guys. So what, and...
Willie: That's where I'll go. I can go there first.
Taylor: Okay.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Willie: But when he asks how you're doing, you can go first.
Taylor: Okay. All right. All right, cool.
Willie: Also, my Internet says 805 down and 887 up. So. [Joseph laughs] I don't know what they're talking about. [Laughter]
Taylor: Oh 805 kb? Kb down.
Willie: Yeah, exactly. Kb, no. Uh, I got that Google fiber again.
Taylor: Oh shit. That fibrous. Damn. That must be nice.
00:10:49
[beep]
Taylor: Andy Dufresne, like, because that's
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: That's how I, [Joseph laughs] that's the only way I can keep it.
That's the only way I can keep his impression is by going back to Shawshank. So I have to go back to "Andy Dufresne was a interesting man in a interesting prison, and which he," you know, and then, then I'm tapped back into it. But then as soon as I get too far out of it, I forget what I'm doing and. I have to go back to Andy Dufresne.
Joseph: Man. Such a good movie.
Taylor: Yeah, it is. It really is. I, uh, it came on not long ago, a couple weeks ago. It was on something and I, I just sit there and watched it and, Yeah, very sad too. Definitely. Anytime it, it's hard to let anything, any movie or anything like pull me into a prison system type situation because I just fucking hate it.
You know? You're sitting there watching it and you're like, you know, this is really happening in real time all the time, every moment of every day. And like so many of these people just probably should not even be in there, you know? Anyways, that's a good note to start on. So [laughs]
Joseph: I'm the opposite man. I'm like drawn to movies about prison life.
Taylor: Yeah, that's the beauty
Joseph: I watch most of them.
Taylor: That's how humans are though. A lot of people do. Like that's the documentaries too. A lot of people can't watch 'em because they, the reality just like really shuts them down or hurts them or scares them. And a lot of people have to because they just want it in their face and they wanna see all the details that they can get and know as much about it as possible.
But,
Joseph: Yeah, especially stories about wrongful convictions are super appealing to me.
Taylor: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well that's appealing to anybody. Like I, you know, Making a Murderer. I watched that. I was one of those people in the, the Reddit months later that was like trying to, you know, Laura Nirider's the best, she's the best! And trying to like, support them in any way I could.
And then at some point I was like, oh yeah, this is a losing-
Joseph: I'm telling you, dude, it's Catherine.
Taylor: Yeah, probably.
Joseph: Man, what is her last name? Fucking deja vu happening right now.
Taylor: Oh yeah, we've done this before.
Joseph: I'm gonna look it up so it doesn't bother me. Katherine Zellner is who I was thinking of-
Taylor: Oh,
Joseph: -in that episode.
Taylor: Yeah. Mm-mm. No, don't even get me down that path.
[beep]
00:12:57
Taylor: This episode brought to you by Mad Guys controllers. A button, B button is all you need, motherfuckers. Mad Guys.
Joseph: Maybe at the end you can do an ad for Berries and Blades... like pro controller.
Taylor: Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll, I'll have the, I'll have GPT working on a little script here. [Joseph laughs]
Absolutely.
[tape winding sound effect]
Taylor: Oh man. [laughs]
Joseph: You have a script?
Taylor: The first one it comes up with, "Berries and Blades presents the Infinit-twist game Controller. It has 100 buttons, 27 joysticks, and a live hamster running on a wheel for absolute total and utterly non-negotiable power. Or maybe just because it's cute."
Oh my God. We can make that into a commercial.
Joseph: Gosh, yeah.
[Willie chuckles]
Taylor: Yeah, it's like "Feel the thrill of juggling buttons while balancing a cup of tea on the built-in coaster. [Laughter] Can you beat level three while, while also making a sandwich? We didn't think so."
Joseph: Those are pretty good. I like the level of ridiculousness.
Taylor: Well, that's- okay. So my, here's my thing.
"Write a professional yet hilarious and ridiculous 10 to 15 second ad script for a physically impossible game controller that's from a company called Berries and Blades." Boom.
Joseph: Oh yeah. You get wild with it.
Taylor: Yeah, dude, that's the thing is like, and I have like, there's people on Twitter, there's people that are like, uh, heads of AI departments for giant corporations that follow me. They're like, you talk to ai. Very fucking strange. [Laughter]
You are fuck- like this dude, uh, that follows me, I forget his name. Robert. Robert something, uh, Scobel. He's an Austin dude. He's actually like one of the, uh, one of the big fucking Microsoft, uh, AI people.
Willie: Yeah, that name sounds familiar.
Taylor: He follows me. Yeah, exactly. And if you saw him, it'd be even more fucking familiar. Cuz we had a Coach Scobel, I think, who was-
Willie: [laughs] Yeah
Taylor: -who was, [Joseph laughs] who looked a lot like this guy. I don't think they're the same guy, but he, uh, follows me and, and yeah, he'll, he'll tune in on some of my stuff and he'll just be like, man, I don't understand, like, I've never seen anybody talk to AI like you converse with AI.
Like it's just, you have a very weird way of, and everybody that I co-op with and we ideate together and they screen share with me or whatever, that same thing, they're like, you are fucking... different. [laughter] This shit. Yeah, I am.
Joseph: That was pretty good though. I like that reading. The reading you did- like the delivery was good too.
Taylor: Okay. Yeah, yeah. We'll, uh, I'll keep that in mind and we'll, we'll do that at the end and if we can get it dialed in well enough. See, once you find a script like that, you have infinite possibility. Cuz now next time we can be like, let's do one for, uh, uh, Zelda themed game that's by Berries and Blades, you know, that's impossible or whatever.
And throw in the ridiculous, throw in the same qualifiers. And we'll get same kind of results.
Joseph: Another thing I think would be funny and interesting is if Willie did some readings, but they were the complete opposite tone. It was like meant to be a PSA, but
Taylor: Oh yeah.
Joseph: But the subject matter
Taylor: like very fuckin-
Joseph: is like super stupid, right? It's like-
Taylor: Yeah. [laughs]
Joseph: Saving-
Taylor: Very level [laughs]
Joseph: -saving the, like the, the people from Mushroom Kingdom or something. But it's like delivered in an NPR fashion where it's like super-
Taylor: Oh yeah.
Joseph: -super straightforward.
Taylor: Yeah, that would be awesome. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Just like not, like not sing songy at all. Just-
Joseph: Almost like you were reporting on a story.
Taylor: Oh, that'd be it right there. Like reporting on Mario or something. Like-
Joseph: Uhhuh
Taylor: This report, you know, "Bowser has just been reported to-".
[Laughter]
Joseph: Yeah. I think that'd be hilarious.
Taylor: Yeah, we'll play around with that. We'll play around with that cuz we could probably come up with some cool shit
Joseph: That would be fucking funny dude. Like as bonus episodes, like a five minute episode that is just like
Taylor: Yeah
Joseph: -reporting on this fictitious like BS story.
Taylor: Oh yeah.
Because we could use them as ads in the, in the podcast, but also release them as their own entities to try to get people in. Be easy to share that little clip. Yeah. Yeah. That's, fuck yeah, dude. Good thinking, man. That's great.
[beep]
00:16:57
Joseph: Ok. Y'all wanna get started?
Taylor: I think he said he is ready to go. s'ready to fucking do it.
Let's go. Let's go.
Joseph: Lemme take a sip.
[clears throat]
Joseph: Aight.
[snickering]
Joseph: Get this going.
[clears throat]
Joseph: Okay-
Taylor: "Welcome to Berries and Blades." Oh, I'm sorry.
Joseph: [mimicking Taylor] "Berries and Blades"
Alright, lemme calm down cause I'm about to just laugh.
[beep]
00:17:23
Taylor: "Never stop gaming!"
Here's what, uh, here's what GPT said was better than that.
"And with that, we'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, never stop gaming."
Oh, that's ours.
[Laughter]
Taylor: Yeah. I was like, Hey, it fucking copied me about to call my fucking lawyer.
"Until we power up the next episode. Keep your joysticks jiving and never hit pause on your gaming."
[scoffs] I don't know about that buddy, but good try.
Joseph: What was the other thing that you got from ChatGPT? That was ad-
Taylor: Oh, that was the-
Joseph: -ad-like?
Taylor: -commercial, right?
So that was-
Joseph: Yeah.
Taylor: Berries and Blades presents the Infini-twist game controller. It has 100 buttons, 27 joysticks, and a live hamster running on a wheel for absolute total and utterly non-negotiable power. Or maybe just because it's cute, feel the thrill of juggling buttons while balancing a cup of tea on the built-in coaster.
Can you beat level three while also making a sandwich? We didn't think so. Berries and Blades absurdly sophisticated, ridiculously impossible, for when gaming wasn't hard enough.
That's the whole ad.
Joseph: Damn. [laughing] Damn.
Taylor: The whole thing. Yeah.
Joseph: Dude, it went hard.
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah it did.
[beep]
00:18:31
Taylor: Check, check. There we go. That's looking a little better. [Singing] Signal. Oh do do ba da do do...
Joseph: You're not clipping over there?
[Willie chuckles]
Taylor: [still singing] ba da da do do.
Joseph: Uh oh.
Taylor: Is that better? [Willie and Joseph laugh] Oh shit. Everybody's frozen.
[Laughter]
Willie: I like how-
Taylor: Everybody's fucking frozen. [Laughs] Oh God. Willie, you're just snow on mine right now. What is happening?
Joseph: Can you hear us?
Willie: I don't know. You cut out for a second.
Taylor: Oh no
Willie: -but you're good now.
Taylor: Was it right when I was singing my song? That's fucked up man.
Joseph: Right after, yeah.
Willie: [Laughs] Right after. Well I only heard the first line.
Taylor: Ok ok.
Joseph: Yeah. Maybe it did keep going.
Willie: It's sad cuz I wanted to know if there was more.
00:19:09
Joseph: Yeah
Taylor: Yeah, dude. That was, uh, the toothpaste song. Let me close up some stuff just in case.
Willie: What is the toothpaste song?
Joseph: Yeah
Taylor: That's that. [singing] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ba da da oh.
You know that song from the 80s-
Willie: Yeah, but that's not the toothpaste. Why is that the toothpaste song?
Taylor: I think that was on a toothpaste commercial at some point. Like a-
Joseph: Oh-
Taylor: Maybe not.
Willie: Really?
Taylor: It was from the nineties or something. Yeah, it was old. It was like a Crest thing. It could also be that my brain is real fucked up and malformed and stuff, and so-
Joseph: This is a Ma- Mandela effect-
Taylor: Yeah-
Joseph: -situation
Taylor: -maybe I'm making it.
Yeah, I'm making it exist. That's okay though.
Joseph: You and many others, others remember that song being in a toothpaste commercial. How does it go again?
Taylor: It's the o's. It's the [sings again]
I don't know any other part of the song though. But it does that twice and then that's the chorus. There might not be any other song to that.
That may just be the thing.
Willie: No, there is-
Taylor: Ok.
Willie: I think, is that song literally- that is the song. It's just called "Tarzan Boy".
Taylor: "Tarzan Boy"
Willie: I'm pretty sure-
Taylor: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds right.
Willie: -that's the name of that song.
Taylor: I never knew that, but, that I believe that 110%. Immediately upon Willie saying it.
Joseph: A song by Baltimore. Baltimora?
Taylor: That's who sings it, is Baltimore?
Joseph: Baltimora.
Willie: Baltimora
Taylor: Man.
Joseph: 1985.
Willie: I'm giving it a listen as well.
Taylor: Oh yeah.
Willie: Getting an ad first.
Taylor: Oh, yeah. Is it the ad that it was in on the toothpaste? [Laughs]
00:20:34
Joseph: It kind of bangs at the very start.
Taylor: Oh dude, it's a, [Willie chuckles] that's a banging ass song. Like it doesn't fuck around. Hold on. If y'all are listening, I better go. Listen, don't fuck around with me right now. Hold on. So "Tarzan Boy"?
Joseph: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [hums the song]
Taylor: Baltimora. Okay. That's actually dope as fuck. Now that I'm seeing the picture. Like that guy.
Joseph: This video though.
Taylor: Oh yeah. It's, it's definitely down some, uh, Rick Astley. Oh yeah, that's- shit, that intro is hard as fuck.
Joseph: Yeah. This guy's face, his facial features are so...
Taylor: It kind of, it looks a little Bowie-esque. Like I-
Joseph: Yeah
Taylor: I mean the makeup and stuff helps.
Willie: Yeah.
Taylor: But
Joseph: Yeah, like really drawing in the cheeks.
Willie: Yeah. I think that was the goal.
Taylor: Yeah, that's true. That could have been that.
Willie: I don't know why I only recently learned the name of this song. I don't remember what I was doing.
Taylor: I never knew it, dude. And I was singing that part-
Joseph: Yeah, I'm surprised you knew the name of this song.
Taylor: Yeah. That's crazy.
Willie: I've only known it for like the last month.
Taylor: I probably never knew it because how would I Google that? What's the song that goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. [Laughter] Goo- Google nowadays may be like, oh yeah, that's "Tarzan Boy".
As long as you get the number of Os right, I suppose. Supp-Oh-ose. Sorry.
Joseph: You'd probably come across the lyrics. Maybe that'd be easier.
Taylor: I, I wouldn't even know, dude, cuz all I know is the o's. I never-
Joseph: No, no, no. By doing the o's maybe you'd get to the lyrics and then that'd-
Taylor: Oh that's true.
Joseph: -give you the song name.
Taylor: Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good song though. I gotta add that into the- into my library before I forget. [Joseph singing the song]
Willie: I can't remember why I like, actually, like I said, within the last month, learned the name of that song.
Taylor: Let's see.
Willie: Oh
Taylor: [typing] "Tarzan Boy" toothpaste commercial.
Willie: I think it was because of Stranger Things-
Taylor: Boom
Willie: -not because it's in there, but because I was listening to, maybe it actually is-
Taylor: It's Listerine.
Willie: -because I was listening to a playlist that was a Stranger Things playlist-
Joseph: Mm.
Willie: That just had a bunch of 80 songs in it, and that was one of them. And I was like, oh, that's the name of that song.
Joseph: Actual soundtrack, or was it?
Willie: No, it was just like a, playlist on YouTube.
Joseph: Hm.
Taylor: But yeah, it was in a Listerine commercial in the early nineties. Boom. Boom, son.
Joseph: Got it.
Taylor: Why the fuck do I remember that?
Joseph: Close enough to toothpaste.
Taylor: Why can't I remember? You know, my son's doctor appointment, uh, two days from now. But I could remember that Listerine commercial.
Joseph: Yeah. So... [silence] I guess nothing.
Willie: Yep. [laughs]
Taylor: [snickering] So... [laughs]
Joseph: [Laughs] I had something in mind, but-
Taylor: Yep.
Joseph: Yep. Not remembering it.
Oh, that's what it was. So is the song actually about Tarzan? Cuz I didn't hear any of the lyrics, besides [sings] Oh, oh oh-oh,
Taylor: That's a great question. I couldn't get over how, how dope the beat and the guitar track and stuff were honestly. I couldn't even get to the lyrics.
Joseph: That's how it confused all of us.
Taylor: Yeah.
Joseph: That's also how it got into a Listerine commercial.
Taylor: That's probably why I never knew the words or the name or anything is because the, the music and the beat and that, that, the hook are all so good and infectious, that the rest does not fucking matter. You don't even care what that dude's singing about. It doesn't matter.
Willie: Yeah. Third line in the actual lyrics is "Tarzan boy"
Joseph: Jungle life.
Willie: He says, "Jungle life." Did you just say that, just randomly or were you actually looking at the lyrics just now?
Joseph: No, I was actually looking at the lyrics.
Taylor: Oh.
Willie: I was like, hold on-
Taylor: Yeah. Wait a second.
Joseph: Oh, that would've been amazing.
Willie: -did you just say some shit that's in the lyrics?
Taylor: That's just something I say every once in a while for no reason.
Joseph: Just living that jungle life. [Taylor laughs] Holmes.
Willie: He says, "I'm far away from nowhere, on my own like Tarzan boy, hide and seek, I play alone while rushing across the forest, monkey business on a sunny afternoon" [laughs]
Taylor: That actually-
Joseph: I have to say, when you hear the intro to the song, and even though, oh, it does not sound like these lyrics are happening in this song.
Taylor: No, it does not. It doesn't at all. Like I'm reading those and they don't make any sense to me that they're in that song. It's, there's not many songs like that that you have heard a thousand times and you look [laughter] and you're just like, these are not the words to this song at all.
Joseph: Right. Yeah, this sounds like a 12 year old wrote this.
Taylor: Absolutely.
Willie: I need to know what the hell they were thinking.
Taylor: Yeah. What were they on at the time?
Willie: It was just, they like had that melody and they were like, man, what could we talk about? That's, anyway, related to that?
Joseph: Man, let's just talk about Tarzan, dude.
Willie: Or did they start with Tarzan, and then they were like, oh, we could do his call, like at the beginning.
Taylor: The only reason I'm bringing this up is because we're talking about Tarzan right now, but yesterday it's uh, I saw this meme. That was a clip from the Tarzan Disney movie, the cartoon, and it's like the one where he's flying on a vine and he is holding the woman with both hands. And he is got a vine behind him.
And like you can see the vine kind of dangling by his feet, but not in the manner that he's maybe holding it.
Joseph: Uh-oh.
Taylor: And beside that, that clip is where somebody has done a detailed fucking illustration of the back of that and he's holding the vine with his ass cheeks
[Laughter]
Taylor: And it's like, it's even got like a check mark by it. If I remember correctly.
Joseph: Check mark
Taylor: [Laughing] Like somebody had been doing math and like sketches and stuff, trying to figure out
Joseph: Confirming it. Gosh.
Taylor: Holy shit. I love the internet sometimes, dude, sometimes you look at it and it just reminds you that there's hope.
00:26:01
Joseph: Hmm. Apparently. Oh, that's a different song. I thought it was a person's name in one of the group members of Baltimora.
Taylor: Oh, was Tarzan-
Joseph: But it's actually a different song called "Woody Boogie."
Taylor: Oh hmm. Is their name Woody or Boogie? And is it Boogie cuz they can dance or is it boogie because they pick their nose a lot?
Joseph: Yeah. This is just that pure 80 happiness.
Taylor: Are you listening to it right now? Jesus Christ.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: We're going down a [Willie laughs] Baltimora hole.
[Laughter]
Taylor: Joey's gonna come to the next episode and just, I've been listening to a ton of Baltimora.
Joseph: My hair has changed and
Taylor: Yeah. You got some makeup on? Is that foundation?
Joseph: Completely shaven. I look like Bowie, Mexican Bowie.
Taylor: [Laughing] Yeah I'm down, dude. I'm down. It might give this, uh, podcast the flare and the extra that it needs to rise above the rest.
Joseph: Skyrocket, right?
Taylor: Yeah. Like you wouldn't do the Lizzo intro song that I wanted, so maybe this will be the next best thing.
Joseph: It could launch us and your white noise platinum selling one track album.
Taylor: Oh God. Well, not only is that gonna be the, the income that I'm getting from the plays on that white noise, but I'm gonna have some real subtle messaging in there that's gonna be like, you know- listen, listen to my music-
Joseph: [whispering] Eat frosted flakes.
Taylor: -go to www.mymusic. Yeah, exactly. I could. That could be-
MeUndies. [Joseph laughs] MeUndies, the only underwear that you can sleep in that affect your dreams. You're gonna feel good. MeUndies. Zzzz.
Joseph: What's that zippy noise?
[Laughter]
Taylor: I might be onto something. Hmm.
Joseph: I mean, you're on something.
[Laughter]
Taylor: Yeah
Joseph: [Laughing] For sure.
Taylor: [Laughing] It's, that's probably a safe bet. How dare you. I didn't know we were gonna start today's episode with an attack, a brutal assault.
Joseph: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Expect the unexpected.
Taylor: Oh. Shit.
Joseph: Yeah. Even your one, your one track your one hit, wonder track, white noise. You could segment it out into like thirty second clips.
Taylor: Some of them are.
Joseph: And then just straight up. Make it best of.
Taylor: [Laughs] Oh! Best of that white-
You remember, the year was 2022. The pandemic sucked, and then you heard The White Noise [Joseph in background: "shoooo"] by Taylor Garratt. "shooooo." Now that's what I call White Noise 2022. [All laughing] Is that, dude, we may be on something. Just cancel the podcast [Willie laughs] Now. Turn it off. Th- we're wasting our fucking time here.
[beep]
00:28:44
Joseph: Hey, everybody. Hey, Dr. Nick.
Taylor: Dr. Nick.
Joseph: Was it Dr. Nick? Yeah.
Taylor: [Laughing] Yeah. Dr. Nick. [Joseph laughs] Hey, every body. It's Dr. Nick.
Joseph: All right. Y'all ready?
Taylor: Yep.
Joseph: Now I'm gonna not be able to keep a straight face and [Taylor laughs] say hey everybody.
[Laughter]
Taylor: Yeah. Unless you do the Dr. Nick or something, huh?
Willie: Yeah.
Joseph: Alright. I'm just gonna skip [Laughing] "Hey everybody."
Taylor: [Laughter] Yeah. Yeah. Dude, we fucked that up.
Joseph: Now you're Dr. Nick. [Willie laughs]
Taylor: Yeah, Backstreet-
Joseph: I shouldn't have done that.
Taylor: [Singing, interrupted by laughter] Everybody. It's me, Dr. Nick. Everybody. Doc-tor Nick. [Speaking normally] Yeah. You're fucked now. Don't do it. Don't do it.
Joseph: Oh man. We got to rewrite this shit again.
Taylor: [Laughs] Yeah.
00:29:32
Joseph: We need a new intro. All right. [clears throat] I got a straight face.
[beep]
00:29:36
Joseph: Willie, did you find a review?
Willie: I, I found a review. I also found the story as written in the book.
Taylor: Oh. [laughs] Sweet.
Joseph: Oh, okay. [laughing] Okay.
[Willie laughs]
Taylor: Hell yeah. Okay. All right.
Joseph: Okay. So maybe bring that up during that main storyline section.
Taylor: Hell yeah.
Joseph: Plus whatever shenanigans we want to say. Like what fucking story.
Taylor: So order wise, um, when you're like, what have y'all been up to? Did we say Willie's going first on that one?
Joseph: Uh, we didn't specify, but
Taylor: I went first, last time. I think Willie is this time.
Willie: Did you go first, last time?
Taylor: Yeah. Cuz I thought we had this discussion. Oh, did we have this discussion? I did go first, or you said that
Willie: I think we had this discussion and then I went first so you wouldn't forget again. [laughs]
Taylor: [laughing] I'll go first this time. Damn it. Damn it.
Willie: I think you go first here just because whenever we do get into the episode, he's gonna ask me first about impressions.
Taylor: All right. Okay, that makes sense.
[beep]
00:30:29
Willie: Can you do the, uh, the Halo announcer voice for that one?
Taylor: "We'll be back. Until then, game unstoppable."
Oh, just that part?
Willie: [Laughing] Yeah-
Taylor: We'll be back-
Willie: -right? I mean-
Taylor: -until then, game-
"Unstoppable."
"Unstoppable."
[laughs] That's pretty close.
Willie: I feel like that's a real- he does say that at some point, right?
Taylor: I think that is one of them. Like 20 kills in a row-
Willie: [laughs] Yeah, I dunno.
Taylor: Or something, ridiculous.
Willie: Yeah.
Taylor: "Unstoppable."
We'll be back. Until then, game "unstoppable."
[beep]
00:31:02
Taylor: It could be as simple as a 15 second video of how to download Berries and Blades. Like go into it and be like, you know,
"Subscribing to Berries and Blades is simple. Just go to blah, blah, blah. Click that, click that and you're done. You fuck."
And then that's it.
[beep]
Taylor: "Today's episode brought to you by Billy's Parachutes. The best to drop into a battle royale."
[beep]
Taylor: What's up? You fucking dumb asses. Oh wait. [Laughs]
Joseph: What's up? You silly fucking geese. [Laughs]
Taylor: Shit. You idiot ass mother. Yeah, that's, you just gotta get it out before you even start.
All right? Huh? All right. We're good. Like, like, like, like.
Joseph: La la, like. [Taylor laughs] La la, la, la, la la. Like.
Taylor: [singing a scale] Like, Um, Duh, Hmm.
[beep]
00:31:45
Joseph: I changed it to instead of, Hey- "Hey, everybody." "What's up, everybody?" [laughs]
Taylor: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Avoid the exact-
Joseph: I probably shouldn't have mentioned that though now, because now I'm thinking of it.
Taylor: Yeah. Slap the, like, everybody.
Joseph: [in Dr. Nick's voice] What's up, everybody?
Taylor: Trick the algorithms.
[Laughter]
Taylor: Yeah. I'll just, that'll be a regular thing.
Joseph: Yeah. All right. Here we go.
What's up everybody? Welcome to Berries and Blades. A place where we analyze and break down some of [voice cracks] our favorite video. What? [mimicking himself] Some of our favorites. [Taylor laughs]
A place where we- [laughs]
[beep]
00:32:16
Willie: I'd been worrying about like dating... these episodes, that we're recording now.
Taylor: I mean, they're not people you can date.
Joseph: Oh [laughs]
Taylor: [laughing] Yeah, they're not people you can date, brother.
Joseph: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you talking about Tinder. You worried about Tinder?
Taylor: Yeah. These are- Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's a, and we're gonna have to talk to Barbara about that. I guess I don't, I don't know. [laughter]
Willie: I was just trying to think about like, If we reference something that just came out in the news, instead of saying like, oh, just like yesterday.
Just say like, oh, I recently saw...
Joseph: Yeah.
Willie: You know, so it's not like, oh, they recorded this on this exact date
Taylor: Hm
Willie: and it's been like three months since then.
Taylor: Oh, okay.
Willie: Or something.
Taylor: Okay.
Willie: You know?
Taylor: Yeah. That makes sense.
[beep]
00:32:52
Joseph: Can you hear the rain?
Taylor: A little bit. Sounds like my white noise. Just a-
Joseph: Yeah
Taylor: -a teensy bit of white noise in the back. Don't blame me if I fall asleep, bro.
Joseph: Yeah. Do you play white noise when you're sleeping?
Taylor: A little bit. I don't like to do too much cause I like the dog to be able to hear. There's this rainstorm-
Joseph: Sleep Track
Taylor: -on Apple music that's called "I Want to Sleep" [laughs]
Joseph: Oh, okay
Taylor: -and it's the best one we could find that doesn't, that doesn't like have, like you're five minutes in, sleeping and it's like, "Caw-caw, Caw-caw," [laughter] like some weird birds. It's like, why do you leave that in there, dude? Why did you do that?
Joseph: Birds chirping.
Taylor: Yeah. I've thought about going out and recording some rainstorms myself and just putting 'em on there. Why not? I could do that. You never know, man. You might have the best rain track out there and gets millions of plays. Cuz I mean if-
Joseph: Just go platinum.
Taylor: -If it's like us flat, yeah, if it's like us, we probably play that thing 12 times a night or something. It's only five minutes long or it's a short loop and I just leave it looping all night long.
Joseph: What if you did that and your rain track went platinum, but then your actual music that you're performing gigs for, didn't do anything?
Taylor: Then at the gigs, I would start playing that rain track like a DJ. I would just plug that in-
Joseph: Sick.
Taylor: And maybe like do some, yeah, do some, uh,
Joseph: Play over the top of it.
Taylor: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Either play over the top or do some cool, uh, poems, like poetry or powerful rhetoric, you know?
Joseph: Oh, yeah. You could do some spoken word.
Taylor: Yeah. Spoken word, man. [Laughing] Yeah.
[beep]
00:34:23
Willie: I don't know why I thought about this. Oh, well, I was thinking about going to get those tacos or actually sending Kirksey to get those tacos all the time.
Taylor: Oh ho god.
Willie: During study hall or tutorials or whatever. But I also remember Josh eating five, six fucking things of hot sauce from there. [Joseph laughs]
I, I think we like dared him to do it one day and he was like, yeah, that's not a problem. Cuz he, he and his, he and his dad always had like peppers at home and were like, oh yeah, it's fine. Like, I-
Taylor: Oh yeah.
Willie: I can handle it. And so at some point somebody gave him like 10 bucks to eat, like, I don't know, four or five of those things at least. It was like, that's not a good idea. [laughs] That's, that's gonna be bad.
Mm-mm.
Taylor: How did it end up? I mean, he is alive today, I guess.
Willie: He's still alive. Yeah. I mean, you've seen him lately.
Taylor: Yeah.
Willie: So he's all right.
Taylor: Yeah. [Laughing] Yeah. Oh yeah. [Joseph laughs] His body's falling apart, I believe. Last heard, so-
Joseph: He's got GERD now and-
Taylor: [laughing] Yeah, some things going on.
Willie: Man. I mean, yeah, it was he, he hurt for sure. It was bad.
Taylor: I bet. I bet.
Willie: That's how we spent our study hall time, was eating tacos and daring each other to fucking eat cups of hot sauce.
[tape winding sound effect]
Taylor: But that was a hell of a hustle and it's got me thinking about it now cuz I'm like, those cookies, even back then, those things were like 39 cents.
And if you bought them in bulk, they were probably cheaper
Joseph: Mmhmm
Taylor: and all you had to do was break 'em outta the bag, put them in the oven, cook them for 20 seconds, and then sell 'em for a dollar.
Joseph: Mmhmm.
Taylor: That was a hell of a flip, bro. [Willie laughs] I'm trying to stay out the job game completely.
Joseph: [Laughing] Hell yeah.
Taylor: And I'm like, I need to get into this cookie game. Me and Otis Spunkmeyer, we going back.
Otis Spunkmeyer.
I put up a flyer
to get the cookie... inspire
in your fire.
I'm a liar.
Joseph: And they were packaged in little, uh, little brown paper bags.
Taylor: I bet they were. [Laughter] I fucking bet they were, they were probably originally little red foil bags. And then, then they were- Yeah. Repackaged.
Joseph: Yeah. [laughing]
Taylor: And sold to little Joey for, uh, for the dollar-
Joseph: Yup.
Taylor: That he was supposed to spend on an apple or something.
[beep]
00:36:25
Taylor: And we're gonna focus on not saying like a bunch of fucking times. We're gonna
Joseph: [Laughing] Yeah. You can't.
Taylor: Try not to say, uh, dude, I'm so fucking like, Honestly, listening to all that was necessary because now I see how much that sucks. [laughs]
Yep. Gonna try to do better. That's a good part about listening to those, is it's painful sometimes, but you kind of take out, find the good parts, and find the things that sound awesome, and then get rid of the, the parts that suck. I'll try.
Willie: I've tried to, it's sucks because I've tried to cut it out of my normal vocabulary now-
Taylor: Pfft
Willie: -just like in talking and I can't do it like I cannot-
Taylor: It's tough.
Willie: -stop doing it, or I have to like stop and pause to think about what I'm gonna say and figure out what the actual thing I'm trying to say is.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Willie: The part that sucks about that is most of the time it's a filler word.
Taylor: Yep.
Willie: And it's just that you need to finish the rest of the sentence.
Joseph: Yeah.
Willie: You could literally just finish the rest of the sentence.
Taylor: I might just need to, because ADHD wants me to always say something always, and, Hey, how about just, pausing for a second and thinking about it. [laughs] All right. That's gonna be a fun game. What better way to do it than on a podcast that we can re-listen to?
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: Because you can't go re-listen to everyday situations and you probably wouldn't want to. But anyways, I'm throwing it out there, so we're conscious of it now.
Willie: Oh yeah.
Taylor: Don't let it fuck you up if you do say it, because you don't wanna stop every time. But I'm just gonna be, try to be very careful.
Joseph: There's probably 25 more times you say it that are cut out before you ever hear it.
Taylor: Oh my God. [Willie and Joseph laugh]
That's awful. That's awful. I feel bad for you, dude.
[beep]
00:38:03
Taylor: [vocalizing sound effects] Eer-Omm, wa-wa-wa-wa [Joseph: pew pew pew pew] wa-wa-wa-wa “You are now listening to DBX 5 X, X, X.” Pew, pzew, wa-wa-wa-wa
Did that sound like Tom Cruise? [[Joseph and Willie laugh] Like you're fucking watching War of the Worlds 2?
Joseph: Tom Cruise?
Taylor: Yeah, man. The world's-
Joseph: I guess I haven't-
Taylor: -reunite.
Joseph: War of the Worlds 2?
Taylor: No, no, no. It's, that dudn't exist, but that's, uh, it's coming. You could see it in your head. You could see it in your head, dude. [Willie laughs] You knew it. You thought it was starting.
Joseph: [Laughing] Maybe? [All laugh] I was trying.
Taylor: I know, man. I appreciate you for that.
Joseph: Didn't know what I was looking for, but I was trying.
Taylor: Oh, let me grab a pop filter real quick. As I say, pop filter and it pops.
Joseph: Oh, yeah, yeah, man. Step up your game. Don't let that perfectly good pop filter go to waste.
Taylor: Yeah. I finally just, um, resigned from trying to use this little fancy arm on my desk for the, to hold the mic, just cause this, the 1 0 3 is so sensitive to sound in general, that every little thing that happens-
Here, I'm gonna go ahead and mute myself; speaking of that. Hang on.
Joseph: Willie, we're gonna start with you as of the first game.
Willie: Okay. I'm gonna pick some obvious things for me just so we're clear.
Joseph: No, that's fine. I think all of mine are obvious or you know, they're, they're all AA games.
Taylor: Alright, so I got a pop- [singing] pop filter. Everything should be [Joseph: pop, pop] sounding nice. Sounding nice.
Joseph: [singing] Everything should be sounding nice.
Taylor: Right? [laughing] Nice. Hell yeah.
[singing] There's a stranger in this place.
I don't know the words and that's all, but that's a good one.
[beep]
00:39:41
Taylor: Let me just go off for a second. Yeah. There is like this motorcycle culture around here. That is the most fucking annoying thing ever. Like there's this place that will deck anything out, a motorcycle, a boat, with speakers that you can hear from a mile away.
And okay, I get it, that's fine. But to ride down the road, the loudest motorcycle ever, with the loudest speakers ever, you'll hear like, a disconnected message. So they're riding down the road and you're hearing, "do-do-do, this number is no longer-" and you're like, are you fucking taking phone calls on the loudest?!
[sighs] So th- So they have the loudest radios ever, not understanding that they're broadcasting their goddamn phone calls to the entire fucking southeast of Texas. Essentially. You know what that person is saying and it's-
Joseph: I mean, you can hear that in just a regular vehicle, man. If somebody's on a phone call,
Taylor: Exactly. Imagine it-
Willie: Yeah
Taylor: -just at, I don't know. It's gotta be 120 fucking decibels or something. It's like as loud as a helicopter. Like if a helicopter were flying over at a hundred or 200 yards away and that were playing, they would be having a serious battle for a fucking sound stage. It would be a tough call and you may only be able to hear that fucking motorcycle, I'm guessing, which is wild.
Joseph: Yeah, I've definitely been surprised at how loud the stereo is.
Taylor: Oh my God. Are the speakers. I mean, why not go the full distance and have them come out at an angle, at a 45 and just be aimed at your face? Because otherwise, what are they doing? Like how am I able to hear it in the back of 12 acres? You know, you could just hear it clear as day.
Joseph: Yeah. I can't imagine what it sounds like on the motorcycle.
Taylor: And, and that's what I'm saying is like if you can have it up that loud, is it not even directed at you? You're not even deafening yourself. You're just fucking waking everybody up and disturbing everybody and fucking up recordings and anything you can imagine.
It's like you're already got the loudest fucking shithead motorcycle ever. Dude. [Joseph laughs] You can't do this like you're gonna have to- he is like, "but I like it!" So not okay. What the fuck are people doing, man? [Joseph laughing] Anyways, I'm sorry to go off about that, but it's been-
Joseph: [mimicking Taylor] "But, I like it!"
Taylor: It's been on the top of our minds [Willie and Joseph laugh] because, uh, you know, you get the baby put down and he's been awake for fucking hours, and then you just get him down and then you hear fucking-
Joseph: "do-do-do" [laughing]
Taylor: "do-do-do. We're sorry, [laughing] this phone number is no longer-" [Willie laughs]
Joseph: So how close is the road, to your house?
Taylor: Uh, maybe 50 yards away.
Joseph: Okay, so it's close.
Taylor: Like 40 or 50 yards. Yeah, it's fairly close, but I've heard those radios loud and clear at the back of the property, which is probably more like. 300 yards away.
Joseph: Damn.
Taylor: It's annoying, man. I haven't been able to ramp for a couple weeks. [Joseph chuckles] I needed to, evidently. [laughs] Uh, anyways, how you guys doing?
[beep]
00:42:49
Joseph: There's no way it has that power though, right? It would just be like a rat smack. Pop!
All right. We haven't been fucking around too long.
[beep]
Joseph: [singing in the background] dee-dee-dee, dee-dee-dee...
Taylor: [singing ] Thank you for listening.
Joseph: [singing in the background] do-da-do, do-da-do...
Taylor: This Mario episode has been brought to you by Mario's Italian loafers.
Joseph: [singing in the background] ba-ba-na, ba-ba-na...
Taylor: Loafers that can get you through eight different worlds with without burning off.
Joseph: [chuckling] Nice.
Taylor: There we go.
Joseph: What you say, get you through what?
Willie: Eight different worlds.
Joseph: Eight different worlds without burning off.
Taylor: [laughing] Yeah.
Willie: Uh-huh. [Willie and Joseph laugh] We did also play, um, The Mario Bros. The like-
Joseph: Oh, hell yeah.
Taylor: Oh, that's awful.
Joseph: Yeah, just regular Mario Brothers.
Taylor: The original smash.
Willie: Yeah. Yeah.
Joseph: Oh, I love that game, man.
Willie: Well, when you're playing by yourself, all you're doing is hitting the turtles, knocking them over, and then like, getting 'em off the screen.
And I actually don't know if you get more points if you let them get back up and turn into one of the next turtles. Cause that's what happens. They start green and then they turn red and then you hit 'em again. And they turn blue.
Joseph: Blue. Yeah.
Willie: Like if you just let them go, they'll just cycle through these like different versions of the turtle.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Willie: And eventually become really fast.
Taylor: Oh, okay. So they- they do en- get faster.
Willie: They get faster for sure.
Taylor: Mm.
Willie: And if they get to the bottom, they get- they go in the pipe, and I think it's the same ones that get recycled. They go back up to the top.
Taylor: Huh? They get nasty fasty.
[beep]
00:44:12
Willie: There is a Halo Infinite co-op test that begins this week.
Taylor: Ooh. A co-op test? So are they gonna unlock an area or what?
Willie: Oh shit.
Taylor: Don't tell me It's out now, dude. We'll end this podcast right now. [All laugh]
Willie: I mean, there's a, there's a flight right now, but, um,
Taylor: Uh, where to, Belarus? I've been trying to get out.
Willie: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: I've been trying to roll out, get away from these fucking haters. [laughs]
Joseph: Pop on the sirens, man. Roll out.
Willie: Oh, and that's what it was. I remember.
Taylor: What?
Willie: All these things go in the actual episode. [Taylor laughs] Nevermind.
Joseph: Aight, aight.
Willie: I can't say 'em right now. I will say 'em in the episode.
Taylor: Ok, alright.
Willie: So for the intro stuff, we'll just say, yeah, I see you have your intro. And then when you say, what's up, I'm not gonna say anything about any news.
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we'll avoid that. [Laughter]
[beep]
00:44:57
Taylor: You gotta go through that stuff. You can't just it. It's not like TV where you're like, "oh, I'm Bryan. Bryan Cranston. I was a teacher and now, oh shit, I've got a gun. And look at me. I'm gonna fucking murder you." You freeze up. You freeze up.
I've been in situations where that weren't that, but similar like, scary ass situations, and you think you're gonna react one way, but nope, you fucking freeze up. Like there's definitely humans that just act right, like they know how to do it, but. So few and far between.
You're most likely gonna get a motherfucker who gets out there and is like, "oh shit brother. I've got kids, and I've got a buddy on Xbox," or you know, whatever. And suddenly, hey, life is too valuable. Of course, I'm not gonna fucking go in.
That's gross, man. I don't know.
[tape winding sound effect]
Willie: The last thing I will say on that, that other subject though, is I also saw a video yesterday of, maybe it was in Houston. I don't remember. Shit. He was a sergeant, I guess. He was a sergeant of some police force, but also like a little league baseball coach.
And after his team lost like, nine year olds, a bunch of nine year olds, they're all in the line to give each other fucking handshakes. And he's like pulling on kids' arms on the other team after they lost.
Taylor: What?
Willie: He's just like, grabbing for handshakes and pulling their fucking arms.
Taylor: What?
Willie: And then just like being real fucking aggressive and knocking into 'em in the fucking line. You know, the fucking handshake line that's after-
Joseph: Fuckin macho man, bro.
Willie: -every fucking T-ball game.
Taylor: Yeah. No shit.
Willie: And people were like, dude, what is this guy's problem? And then they were like, oh, this guy's a cop.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Willie: That's great.
Taylor: Yeah.
Willie: This is the kind of guy you want to be a fucking cop.
Joseph: Some fucking agro baldheaded hothead.
Taylor: Yep. Yep.
Joseph: s'got fucking-
Taylor: Absolutely
Joseph: -some dumbass sunglasses on. Probably just a mustache, looking like a fool.
Taylor: Yep. And that's a problem.
[beep]
00:46:42
Joseph: So until then, take it easy.
Taylor: Peace.
Willie: Later.
Taylor: I almost clicked leave studio. [laughs] Like I almost really peaced out. I felt like- [laughing]
Joseph: [Laughing] Oh my gosh
[All laughing] like this is a fucking Zoom call or something.
Taylor: Yeah. [laughing] Like it's a Zoom call. My mouse went down there and I was like, what am, what the fuck am I doing? Don't do that. [Joseph laughs] Don't do that. That's stupid.
Joseph: Well, it's kind of dumb that they have a phone icon. A handset.
Taylor: Yeah.
Joseph: So it's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna hang up on, I'm gonna hang up this call cuz it's over.
Taylor: Well, and it even has words like hang up or whatever on there, but. Yeah, that was a good episode. I feel like that went great.
I didn't, I wasn't sure if you wanted to cut out our little conversation at the end or not, so I tried not to go too deep into stuff, but then I think at some point I assumed by the way we were talking, that we were gonna cut some of it out.
[beep]
00:47:27
Taylor: It's fucking beautiful, man.
Willie: Yeah.
Taylor: It is beautiful. I, there is so much about that game. I could sit around- and its photo mode is obviously amazing.
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: In this one you can make her her face do silly shit. Which reminds me of Ghost of Tsushima. How like-
Joseph: Like the poses and stuff?
Taylor: Yeah. I like to have him like kissing a drop of blood, [Joseph and Taylor laughing] you know, like you go out into photo mode and you can make him make the kissy face at like a head that he just decapitated and stuff. [Willie laughs]
Oh man. But this one, uh, it's weird because there's this weird like, uh, what do they call it, the uncanny valley thing going on with her teeth. Where like they're very like realistic looking, but also they're like, uh, they're like, too, too realistic or something. And so whenever she's like, "Ah!" making a crazy face, it also, it just makes it look that much more stupid, which I like for some reason.
00:48:17
Joseph: You know, I've always wondered, like going back to the photo mode in Ghost of Tsushima, I was like, who uses these poses?
Taylor: Me, mee, bro.
Joseph: –Like, who uses these facial expressions, like nobody would. But you're that person.
Taylor: Dude, I like that they're catering to me. [Joseph laughs] Like that's the thing is like when people put like real stupid shit in games.
When you can modify your own character, like build your Souls character. Why would they make it to where your jaw could be way up and over your eyes or something?
Joseph: Oh yeah, yeah.
Taylor: Because people like me demand it [Joseph laughs] and if you took that shit out–
Joseph: "Demand it."
Taylor: –I may stop playing if I couldn't make my guy just the hideous fucking thing before you.
Joseph: This is like, uh, reminding me of Monster Factory. Is that what it's called, Willie?
Willie: Yeah.
Taylor: Yes.
Joseph: Yeah. It's some Monster Factory vibes.
Taylor: Basically.
Joseph: Put someone's chin over their eyebrows.
Taylor: Yes, exactly. Yeah. Their eyelids stretched like, up to the back of their head.
00:49:11
Joseph: That was the first road trip that y'all, y'all took him on?
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. That was the first one. Yep.
Joseph: Was it smooth?
Taylor: Yeah, man, everything was great. Yeah, we got a sick ass little house in South Austin, um, that was like 15 minutes from downtown. Price was right, it was like $90 a night. But I'm pretty sure the mattresses were stuffed with like the previous occupants. [Willie and Joseph laugh] So, so we had to tell 'em to definitely, you know, get some new mattresses, motherfuckers skimping. [Joseph laughing]
But yeah, other than that, it was great. It was great. The house was honestly the shit.
Willie: Do you know the address? Like whereabouts?
Taylor: It was on Majestic Drive. It was like 3000 or 300 Majestic Drive, I think. But it was, it was a really nice little house. It was all renovated. It was classic South Austin. You know you're gonna [chuckling] have some fucking electrical outlets, like uh, separated from the wall [Joseph laughs] a little bit and some cracks going through.
If you lived in South Austin long enough, you just know that that's how shit looks down there, cuz all the houses are older and-
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: But it was cool. It was great. The location was good and like, I think I talked to y'all about like the, the sheer volume of cars and people was wild to me now.
Willie: Yeah.
Taylor: It's just-
Joseph: Oh yeah
Taylor: -big. It's big.
[tape winding sound effect]
Taylor: I was thinking Marfa or something, you know.
Willie: I mean it's all near that area.
Taylor: Oh, okay. It's in that. So yeah, maybe we could hit it up. I know she wants to go to Marfa and just hit up multiple things. whenever we go.
Willie: You gotta stay in the haunted hotel there, s'what you gotta do.
Taylor: No, sir. [Willie laughs] No sir. Nope.
Willie: I mean, you have a kid, your kid could tell you where the ghosts are. [laughs]
Taylor: I bet he will. Yeah. His head will turn circles [Joseph laughs] and vomit and stuff. Yeah. No sir. I have a, I have a 100% Do Not Bring a Fucking Ghost Home policy [Willie and Joseph laughs] that has one rule and it's don't fucking go to where the ghost is.
Joseph: Yeah.
Taylor: And they won't follow you home.
Joseph: Nice.
Taylor: That puppy can't follow you if you're not in that back alley where that puppy is. And I mean, in a puppy situation, that's great, but in a ghost situation, that is not great unless it's a fucking cute ghost, that's friendly-
Joseph: Mm-hmm
Taylor: -and doesn't have a bunch of baggage, which I ha- I don't know that those exist.
[beep]
00:51:18
Taylor: So, What's, um, like, I don't want to accidentally trip into a spoiler, I guess, which if, if we were, you could just fucking bleep it out and it would probably be funny, but [Willie and Joseph laugh]
Joseph: Yeah. Yeah.
Taylor: But, um, I can't even think of what a spoiler would even fucking be. Like, there's no like boss names we could say that are a spoiler. Right? Because this is like a standalone- whoa, that was weird looking. [Willie laughs] -you know what I mean? Like, I can't-
Joseph: I mean, we-
Taylor: I'm not gonna say like, Miquella, and then it's like, okay, "oh, that's a spoiler" because Miquella exists or whatever.
Joseph: Yeah, yeah I think, uh, you could potentially reveal the ending, and that would be a spoiler.
Taylor: Which is...
[All laugh]
Taylor: Maybe not, maybe I'm literally not fucking capable, you know? Maybe I'm not capable of it. I don't even remember the ending. So, yeah, I think we're good.
Willie: I mean, maybe just not saying, you know, the end boss that you're fighting-
Taylor: Yeah
Willie: -or the like, even like, you know, when you go through the gauntlet of bosses at the end, like that's probably not a thing to say.
Joseph: Yeah, that's minor spoilers.
Willie: Yeah, I think it's minor, but I think
Taylor: Okay. Okay.
Willie: It might be a thing where people are like, oh shit, I'm at the end of the game. And then they're like, oh no, I'm not at the end of the game. And you fight another guy.
Taylor: Yeah. Okay.
Willie: And then you fight another guy like, you know. Like I think just again, I think the beginning part is just overall impressions anyway.
So just like, not diving too deep into what you liked about it-
Taylor: Okay
Willie: but like, how much you liked it, how much time it took from you, what if you'd be playing it again, sort of stuff.
Taylor: Okay
Willie: Not necessarily going into- you could say, you know, the boss fights are hard and I had to try a couple of them, like a ton. And I think even if you prefaced a minor spoiler, like for a beginning to be like, oh yeah, that first boss, whatever, took me 30 tries or whatever.
Taylor: Okay. Yeah.
[beep]
00:53:02
Taylor: "Power down, but never out." [Taylor and Joseph laughing] "Keep gaming and see you soon." Wow.
[Willie and Taylor together] "Hit pause here."
Willie: Yeah that's what I was looking at. [chuckling]
Taylor: "Never stop playing." [Laughs]
Willie: "Later gamers." [Laughs]
Joseph: "Later gamers."
Taylor: "Later gamers." [snickers]
Willie: That reminds me of- damn, now I'm not gonna remember it.
Joseph: Later alli-gamers. [Laughter]
Willie: I saw a meme recently that was like, uh, it's been popular for a couple weeks now. At least a couple weeks. Uh, damn. Was it cheese bag? [chuckling] I think it was somebody like uh, there's a meme.
Joseph: [Laughing] Cheese bag?
Willie: There's, there's a picture of like this-
Taylor: Cheese bag
Willie: -snack somewhere or something, and it's called a something cheese bag from somewhere.
Taylor: Hmm.
Willie: And someone was like, oh, that's definitely my new, uh, insult. [chuckling] And so they were just like, yeah, see you later, cheese bag.
Taylor: Cheese bag.
Joseph: Nice. It does sound insulting.
Willie: [laughing] Yeah.
Taylor: It does. It definitely does.
Willie: I think that's what it was.
Joseph: "Game on and on and on."
Taylor: Yeah, some of those are just bad.
Joseph: Taylor, give us some legit voiceover readings of some of these.
Taylor: "Game over for now."
"Keep leveling and catch you soon."
"Stay plugged in gamers."
"Till next time, play on."
Joseph: That was good.
Taylor: "Logging off."
Yeah. You like that?
Joseph: Yeah.
Taylor: "Logging off. But the game goes on. See you next episode."
Dude, I've, I've got it dialed in [Willie laughs] after having to do the voice work for- [Joseph laughs]
[tape winding sound effect]
Taylor: Honestly, I was mad at first for having to leave that gig, but for a lot of different reasons. But I will say that I learned some fucking, like, just working with that dude, who's a master of like, marketing and, and all this different shit, just for like two weeks, I feel way more fucking competent, in being able to do voiceover work or-
Joseph: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: -or, um, really video editing or anything, man. I fucking learned Premiere, the hard way with somebody fucking yelling at you.
Joseph: Oh man.
Taylor: "That's wrong. Don't do that. Why do you keep doing this? [laughing] Why are these black lines here? What the fuck?"
[beep]
00:54:53
Joseph: One thing we shouldn't forget is exiting out of the call before the upload finishes.
[Laughter]
Taylor: Yeah, yeah. No, I'm never doing that shit again. Dude, I, that last time that you and I did it, I was like, why?
Joseph: Yeah. Me and Taylor accidentally did that.
Taylor: We've fucking done this so many times. [Willie laughs]
Joseph: Yeah. [laughing]
Taylor: We both bailed. We both just fuckin took off.
Joseph: What I need to do is stop the recording before anybody leaves, but before we-
Taylor: Okay.
Joseph: Before we even stop the recording, Taylor, do you wanna try freestyle some, like top of the head Call of Duty fake ads?
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Um, let's see, what could we focus them on? Like, uh, let's see. So, alright, so you got it recording. All right.
Peter's para-.
Oh, okay. Here we go.
This episode brought to you by Peter's at-
Let's see.
This episode brought to you by Peter's Parachutes coming down, raining down on you from the sky.
I don't know. [snickers] Um.
This episode brought to you by Berries and Blades, AR-15s. If it ain't Berries and Blades, they ain't dead.
Oh man, I don't know. Uh. [laughs]
Joseph: [laughs] That is funny-
Taylor: This episode-
Joseph: I like this idea that Berries and Blades has all these different products that-
Taylor: Right? [laughing]
Joseph: -all of a sudden match all the different games we- [laughs]
Taylor: [laughing] Oh, that'd make for some good, uh, fun art too, right there.
Joseph: Yeah.
Taylor: Cuz you're not stealing shit from anybody. If it's photography, art, and it's like a AR 15 that's like Berries and Blades on the side. [Joseph and Taylor laugh]
It's so dumb. Oh man.
Brought to you by Berries and Blades Boots. If once they hit the ground you're running.
Joseph: Do a cereal; Berries and Blades cereal ad.
Taylor: Okay.
This episode brought to you by Berries and Blades Cereal. You eat it once and you die.
[Laughing] Fuck. I don't know. [Joseph laughing] No, no, that's not it.
You eat it and level up.
Um.
You eat it and-
Uh, trying to think of Call of Duty references. It's tough when you haven't played it in a while.
[sound effect]
[Outro theme begins to fade in - Caribbean Arcade by Christian Nanzell]
Joseph: Well, there it is. A collection of ridiculousness that we know there's gonna be a ton more of.
Willie: We hope you enjoyed, uh, all those outtakes and whatever ridiculous shit you just heard. But thanks for listening.
Taylor: Yeah, thanks everybody for checking it out. And our apologies if any of that was offensive to your little ears. We love you.
[Outro theme continues - Caribbean Arcade by Christian Nanzell]
00:57:12
Joseph: Berries and Blades is an independent podcast created by Joseph Bullard, Willie Garza and Taylor Garratt. Thanks for tuning in, and consider subscribing if you enjoyed listening to this episode. You can also support us by telling your friends about the show, and we hope to see you in the next episode of Berries and Blades. Until then, thanks again.
[Outro theme fades out - Caribbean Arcade by Christian Nanzell]
00:57:34
Taylor: Oh, I did some good AI generation last night. There was uh, Snoop Dogg driving a low rider underwater, uh, smoking a cigar. It's funny how if you keep going down those rabbit holes, eventually you, there is no Snoop. It's just a cigar driving a car.
[Laughter]
Taylor: I love it, man. Me and AI were fucking born to be friends.